Use Your Relationship as a Spiritual Practice (mini workshop)

I feel nervous and a little shy writing about the essence of our relationship, and yet, I feel called to share a little more about the way we live. This blog is for those of you who are deeply curious about how to live Sacred Intimacy within a relationship.  

You might have the sense that relationship can be so much more, and yet despite your best attempts, you feel like you are failing to create the kind of intimacy you desire. 

I want you to know that the type of intimacy you dream of is absolutely possible!!

You can use this piece of writing as a mini workshop, if you take the gems we are offering here, and apply them to your own life. 

Rod and I are very intentional about the way we live and the way in which we love each other. I believe that is why we are continually deepening in our relationship, and our spiritual journeys. 

For us, Sacred Intimacy is the most profound expression of spiritual practice. It can be common to think of spiritual practice as something you ‘do’, or something for specific times and places, with a teacher or community. While that can be helpful and supportive, we’ve found that treating our intimate relationship as a spiritual practice offers the most profound possibilities of all. 

Spiritual teachings often refer to: 

• Being in the present moment
• Being non-judgmental and non-reactive
• Being devotional
• Being unconditionally loving
• Being more aware

All of these qualities require us to practice a specific “Way of Being”. Which means they need to be practiced to be fully embodied and lived. 

What if your intimate partner was there to reflect back to you how loving, how present, how devotional you are? 

Some will wonder, how will they know? What if they are wrong?

You will both know because one of you will feel some kind of hurt, pain, or upset. Any time I behave unconsciously Rod will feel hurt, pain, unseen, or some kind of upset. Any time Rod behaves unconsciously I will feel hurt, pain, unseen, or some kind of upset. People don’t need professional qualifications, they only need to notice how they feel around you. 

This will reveal both our unconsciousness and our partners. It’s almost always something in both partners.

This means in every situation in our intimate relationship, there is an opportunity to recognise our own unconsciousness. Something is being revealed to us by life, through our intimate partner.

It creates the opportunity to practice all day, every day. Whilst I haven’t mastered that capacity, I do appreciate the opportunity. 

Practical Example 1:
I am aware that Rod will always mirror back to me how I am being. If I experience him as being harsh, then it’s my cue to enquire.
“Where am I being harsh?” 

In this, I am practicing curiosity, presence, awareness, unconditional love, and non-reactivity. Doing this is an act of devotion. Devotion is love in motion, the activity of love, through a human body. I am not placing any conditions on Rod for me to love him, I am using my feeling state to enquire about what is happening in my body emotionally, rather than going to blame, judgement, or criticism.

Practical Example 2: 

If Rod reflects to me that I am moving too fast, then I take his feedback on board. He sees me more clearly and more regularly than anybody else, and he experiences the impact of my actions greater than anyone else. His experience of me calls me to presence. 

If he says I am moving too fast, I breathe that into my body, and find the truth of his reflection. I am curious about the effect of me moving too fast. I become artful at feeling into this and making an adjustment that will serve me, him and the relationship. 

Practical Example 3: 

When Rod says to me “You are perfect exactly as you are!” I breathe that into my body, I allow his love and devotion to be medicine for me. His words of love and devotion allow me to soften and blossom more than anything else. My body, my nervous system, and my mind let go as there’s nothing to protect or hold or defend against. I am being loved unconditionally, with no need to change or be different. 

There are many of these examples that happen daily in our intimate relationship. All of which provide opportunities for awakening. 

Our intimate partner is the perfect spiritual teacher. 

My experience is that each person is with the partner who will reflect back to them what they cannot see. 

It’s why couples argue so often. They are reflecting back to each other what they cannot see about themselves. This is often painful and hurts (something can only hurt if it’s true). Those who are not arguing, often hit long flat spots where desire and connection is not available.

A Practice for You: 

If you’re feeling game, try out the practice Rod and I use. 

We assume that whatever one of us is saying about the other is 100% true. 

And then we look for how it’s true. Naturally, we can already see how it’s not true, often what we can’t see is how it is true. This is why we look until we see 100% of what our partner sees and feels. Only then, if it’s necessary, do we talk about it. Often no conversation is required.

Excerpt from our Relationship Intention:

“Our relationship is the container for our sexual and spiritual growth and for our love to blossom and grow in our lives.”

To be intentional in our relationship requires that we are clear and specific about the purpose of our relationship. This is why we created a Relationship Intention. A relationship intention clearly defines the purpose of your relationship. It gives it context and clearly defines where you are going and how you are getting there. It also brings clarity for making life and relationship decisions. 

If living an intentional life and relationship is for you and you would like to create your unique Relationship Intention, sign up for the Foundations of Intimacy Training Program. Inside this training is a six-month guided journey by Rod and I to support you in creating your unique foundation for your relationship.

If you have any questions or reflections on how you can apply Spiritual principles to your relationship, reach out to us via email today.